Recently, I was asked about how I prepare to do healing (including well-tending) work. My answer was simple enough and I liked it enough to post it here. I’m curious for other readers/healers/well-tenders: how do you prepare? How has your preparing shifted over the course of your practice?
I like to be bounded, grounded, clear and tuned.
Bounded: is about being well contained. It means that I am able to manage my own emotionality, without it spilling out in harmful ways. This does not meant that I am not impacted, on the contrary, being well-bounded opens the way for being affected/impacted by another’s story without being overwhelmed by it. When we are unbounded we can both spill our emotions and have difficulty dealing with others. They become too close and too confusing for us to skillfully direct them. Being bounded is also about shielding from unwanted projections and unhelpful other stuff. Whenever we’re working with other humans, things can get messy. My boundaries are what allow me to say, “this is mine, and this is yours, and this is ours.” This is a critical distinction to make when facilitating difficult work. And to be clear, it is less about attributing blame than it is about distributing responsibility. Determining who gets to attend which piece of the mess is a great service/gift to folks, especially when they are feeling overwhelmed (which is the state they’ll be in if they are trying to blame you for everything).
Grounded: Lots of folks use the language of grounding and being connected to or rooted in the earth. To me it is also about electricity. A grounded conductor is able to absorb electricity and send it into the earth to be dissipated. IF you get technical about the difference between a grounded (normal flow of electricity) and grounding (operating under short circuit conditions to provide an alternate path for the electricity to travel) you can see that as a healer or facilitator we can hold either or both roles. When we are grounded it means that we are able to let the currents flow through us. And like electricity, the amount of resistance we have to this flow slows the flow, leaving it lingering for longer periods of time and creating a greater potential for damage or lasting harm. The idea here is that we are able to attract emotion, evoke it and direct it where it needs to go with as little harm as possible. This is why it is essential to be clear.
Clear: clarity is key. In the above metaphor ,electricity, emotion, energy has to move through and the more internally cluttered we are, the more likelihood that the energy or emotion will get stuck or stopped up within us. The clearer the channel, the more likely we are to be able to let the emotional energy flow freely. Thus having a clear channel is about reducing friction or resistance. I also imagine how much more reflective clear water is than murky water and intend myself to be as clear as that water. Allowing folks to see through me (transparency) and see themselves by me (reflection/recognition). This requires a clearing out of my own internal agenda and predispositions, emptying much of my emotionality, leaving behind what isn’t useful for the space and really being present to what is. When I am clear, I am more trusted by an individual or group. By being transparent and reflective they can see that I am not hiding an ulterior motive and that my offerings are genuinely for their own good. It also invites them to come up with more of the solutions. This way of sharing power makes it more likely that they will own the solutions and thus implement them well after I am gone. My goal is not to create a dependent relationship here, it is, as always, to tend and transform systems that break people, families and communities. The practice here is to clear in between sessions, but also moment to moment to reduce the resistance that I may be holding. I also need to notice my own resistance as it emerges: what or who am I resisting? Is it about me or the individual or group? Should I name it or not?
Tuning: it can be helpful to tune in or attune to what is happening with the group. With boundary and clarity, this allows one to notice what’s happening in one’s own sensations, emotions and intellection as not necessarily one’s ‘own.’ Tuning is what allows me to hear the story beneath the words and the needs behind the behaviors that emerge in a group or individual session. When I’m tuned in, I able to ‘hear’ the next question or suggestion that would best serve the group. This may come from ancestors, the collective unconscious, the divine, or some other ‘source.’ By being tuned in, I don’t over-identify with the inquiry or suggestion as coming from me. When I think that I am the one doing the thing, my agenda (and potentially my ego) begins to present/assert itself. We can notice this in ourselves and others when a question, suggestion or observation is repeated and/or rephrased several times. This is rarely in service of the individual or group.
So that’s it, that’s what I do and what I think about when I’m preparing. Most of this is done through meditation, sitting or movement practice and sometimes through music, often with supplemental support via tinctures, essential oils, stones or plants. How do you prepare?