Co-Regulation Means Me and You
As facilitators, we often hold the hope that our presence can be a stabilizing force for the groups we lead. But here’s the truth: we cannot support others’ regulation without tending to our own as well. Our nervous systems set the tone and then that energy is in exchange with the group. When we arrive grounded in purpose and connected to something greater than ourselves, we create the conditions for trust, resilience, and transformation to ripple out.
Embodiment: The Internal Work of Facilitation
Facilitation is not just about the words we say or the amazing agenda we design. It is also about how our bodies enter the space. Embodiment means recognizing that I am not separate from the group system; we become part of it before we even enter the room. By noticing our breath, posture, and energy, we prepare ourselves to humbly hold complexity without being consumed by it. A self inventory of our own knowledge, skills, and attitudes and how we are experiencing those as sensations and actions within our own bodies is important to visit again and again in the facilitation process.
Grounding Practices Before Entering the Room
At In The Works, we utilize a variety of rituals to support our capacity for embodiment. One of the simplest but most overlooked rituals we use is pausing before you step into a facilitation setting. This might mean placing your feet firmly on the ground, taking three deep breaths, or recalling an image that brings you ease. These small rituals create anchors. They remind our bodies that we are safe, resourced, and capable of guiding others. That internal safety invites the collective to find safety in the room.
Co-Regulation Between Co-Facilitators
While we recommend always having a co-facilitator, we know that isn’t always possible. Still, facilitation never happens in isolation, and neither does co-regulation. There is always an interplay between your nervous system and that of the group. When you have a co-facilitator, their nervous system is one of your greatest resources. And vice versa. A glance, a shared breath, or a subtle nod can communicate safety and collaboration. This real-time co-regulation helps In The Works reset in the moment, and it models trust for the group.
We recently worked with a group that was moving along and found themselves in a conflict that surfaced during facilitation. At first, the group critiqued us as facilitators and what we were presenting, which is not unusual or unexpected. In the moment, we were able to co-regulate together, which allowed us to lean into curiosity and openness rather than getting defensive. Instead of stating that what we presented was important and why, we moved our attention to asking what it was they needed and how we missed the mark. By keeping ourselves calm and relatable in the moment as co-facilitators, we invited the group to bring forward concerns and know we would still find a way to co-regulate as a group and move forward.
Why Shared Presence Builds Group Trust
Groups intuitively sense whether a facilitator is genuinely present. When we as facilitators are connected to ourselves, we can connect to the group. Shared presence fosters trust - not through performance, but through attunement. Over time, this kind of trust enables groups to take bigger risks, explore deeper truths, and move toward collective change.
We model this in real time, naming the changes in the room as co-facilitators within the group. There are times I may feel overwhelmed and we will name that clearly so folks know what to do and what will happen next. I may say “I’m feeling overwhelmed and am going to take a 15MIN break, my co-facilitator will lead the next section and then I will be back with the group”. Showing we are humans having a human experience as well lets those we are facilitating see us as accessible and real.
Long-Term Strategies for Sustainable Change
Working with your nervous system is not a one-time fix. It is a lifelong practice. We like to think of it as becoming friends with your own system. Noticing its patterns. Caring for it in times of stress. Extending compassion when it reacts in ways we wish it didn’t. Real change happens at the speed of trust - including the trust we build with ourselves. Notice when your heart-rate shifts, when your voice shakes, when your smile is big and your heart feels warm and buzzy. Recognizing these sensations within ourselves and understanding what they are telling us helps us recognize the sensations within the group as well - that receptiveness helps us be a part of and guide the group simultaneously.
Blueprint for Implementation
Start Today:
Before your next facilitation, pause to check in with your body.
Choose a simple ritual (a breath, grounding touch, a mantra, etc.) that brings you back to center when needed
Build Over Time:
If you work with co-facilitators, intentionally develop co-regulation practices together. And share your cues or how you will communicate when you need some time, space, or practice for co / self regulation.
Begin tracking your nervous system patterns over weeks and months. Notice what supports you, and refine your rituals to sustain long-term resilience.
Looking Ahead
As we close this three-part exploration of nervous system–forward facilitation, we’re noticing how much these practices are not just about the groups we hold, but about how we hold ourselves and each other, too. We’ve learned that our own grounding, our co-regulation with one another, and our commitment to being in relationship with our nervous systems are what make space for deeper trust and transformation. This series has been a reminder that facilitation is never finished work — it’s a practice of returning again and again, together. It’s the work that’s always in the works.
We’re carrying these lessons forward as we turn toward our next theme: Organizing Equity / Values in Action. Just as we’ve seen the nervous system as a guide in facilitation, we’re asking how equity can be embodied in the ways we organize, collaborate, and imagine change. We’re excited to keep learning with you